Today was a rough day at work. Let me rephrase that...this has been a rough year at work. During the course of this year I have lost ALL confidence in myself as a teacher. In the past, students have looked forward to coming to my classes and this year, students dread it. It is amazing to watch a room full of people collectively roll their eyes while you speak and refuse to work hard. Every parent e-mail complaining about my teaching and every rolled eye has reduced me to a teacher, faking enthusiasm everyday and just trying to get by.
This afternoon a student came to my office and proceeded to tell me everything I do wrong as a teacher. She told me that I am the most negative teacher and never give compliments (probably true), that when I give them compliments, don't seem sincere (probably true) and that they had a much, MUCH better time with their old teacher. Ouch, ouch, double ouch!
She then proceeded to give me tomorrow's lesson plan. She told me how she thought I should start class (my opening up myself for critique by the students). I can't imagine being strong enough at this point to handle even one comment let alone a full class of them.
ARGH! Am I teaching at the wrong school? Should I be teaching elementary which is the last place I've experienced great joy on a regular basis? Should I not be teaching at all and do something less emotionally taxing?
How swiftly they fall. Wow, this blog is incredibly depressing, but unfortunately, is my only outlet for debrief at the moment. Thanks for hearing me out!
3 comments:
oh man cami-- you don't deserve that. don't even think that you need to listen a class of students taking out their frustrations on you. you know what you are doing. i'm so sorry you are having a rough time. i'm thinking of you.
Cami.
I am so sad for you. I also have stuggled with the same thing this year. Losing my confidence, feeling so beat down. It is tough.
I am thinking about you. Prayfully consider what God is calling you to do, teach you or grow in you at this time. That is what I have been trying to do and grow through this struggle. but it is very hard I know.
Cami,
From what I know about you as a musician, director, and person, I believe that you are fabulous, especially at the high school level. Judgment from yourself and others is REALLY hard; my thoughts are with you as you decide what to do with all of the information and how that fits with your beliefs.
Let me know...
Karissa
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