Baby Led Weaning

I write this blog for two reasons.
For one, it is for our family who lives over 1,000 miles away.  It gives them a glimpse into the ordinary day to day life we live in California.  And the other reason I write the blog is as a sort of online diary.  I've always been terrible at journaling because I can't write as fast as I think and my hand cramps up.

Today's post is really for me as a way to remember this season of life.

Last Friday, November 23rd was the last day that I nursed my sweet baby boy.  He was 15 months and 12 days old.  I am full to the brim with truly mixed emotions over the whole thing.  On the one hand, we are both ready to be done, which is what I wanted all along.  I never tried to put Jack on any sort of feeding schedule but tried my best to just pay close attention to him and feed him when he wanted to, whether for hunger or just simply for comfort.  Over time, especially the last few months, he hasn't shown any interest in nursing during those "extra" times during the day and slowly, one by one, we have dropped each feeding.

In the end, there wasn't any milk left and he was just nursing as a way to fall asleep for his nap and bedtime.  And then....it was done.

Tears come to my eyes even now as I think back on the last 15 months of this special connection with my son.  Getting started with him as a newborn was the hardest thing I've ever done, in many ways, even harder than giving birth to him.  It was excruciatingly painful and awkward.  I remember one night, in agony and despair, I called my mom crying and you know what she said, "You just need to try again....it's your only option."  In other words, buck up sister!  And you know what?  I did.  I toughed it out and gave my baby the best gift I could.

I got up roughly 4-5 times a night every single night during his entire first year to nurse.  I praise God that his plan for me was to have my first baby when I did and not before because I was finally ready to truly put someone else completely before myself.  I wouldn't have been able to do it with joy as a younger person and for that, I'm grateful.  And it was...joyful.  Some may think I'm crazy, but I loved getting up in the middle of the night and nursing my sweet one back to sleep.  God provided the energy I needed to make it through each day and night and it was wonderful.  Wonderful!

To look at Jack now, there is very little baby left in him.  He isn't quite as fat, he is running everywhere, climbing on everything, and talking up a storm.  He is a true toddler and is ready for the big, big world. Letting go of nursing feels right when I see how he is changing and growing.  This weaning also coincides with Dave and I being ready to think about expanding our family.  My heart is ready for another baby and it feels great to have this space between nursing babies to regroup.

Oh, but change isn't my forte.  One minute I feel it is concluded and at peace and then next I feel nostalgic and weepy.  And sometimes, that is where we stay, in the in between.  And for now, that's ok.